


Traveled Down A Road And Back Again

by lightsinthefloors



Series: Trans!Spencer Reid [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Coming Out, FTM, M/M, Trans!Spencer Reid, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsinthefloors/pseuds/lightsinthefloors
Summary: Spencer knows he can trust his friends. It’s just a matter of whether or not he can gather enough courage himself.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Trans!Spencer Reid [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884085
Comments: 19
Kudos: 190





	Traveled Down A Road And Back Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dwarf_planet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwarf_planet/gifts).



> A lovely person commented on my first trans Spencer fic and said I should write him coming out to JJ and Emily, so I did! Comment if you want anything else in the trans Spencer series!

It’s another girls plus Spencer night out, and he, JJ, Emily, and Penelope are all hitting the town. Spencer doesn’t always come along, but tonight, he’s going to come out to Emily and JJ. He’s been wanting to for a long time, ever since he told Garcia, really. There just hasn’t been a good time. Tonight though, whether he likes it or not, he’s going to tell them. Spencer is sticking mostly to Garcia so far, already feeling anxious. He tries to act normal though, smiling and being present in the conversations. Emily and JJ don’t notice that he’s off- they’re just caught up in a conversation. Garcia can tell that something is bothering him though, catching some of Spencer’s nervous tics.

“I wanted to get some things for my sweet little godson while we’re out. Spencer’s gonna come with me,” Penelope informs them. She holds up a finger in JJ’s direction. “And before you say anything, I will not go overboard. And if I do, it’s my money. So there.”

JJ just laughs, shaking her head. “Alright, Pen. Emily and I’ll be next door, we saw some things in the window. Text us when you’re ready to meet up again.”

Penelope nods, shooing them off. She wraps her arm around Spencer’s bicep, not calling him out just yet. She wants to see if he’ll talk to her on his own, but knowing Spencer, he probably won’t. 

“You okay?” She asks softly, keeping her voice light. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer counters, subconsciously wrapping his other arm around his waist. “I’m fine...”

“Alright. You can talk to me, but you don’t have to.”

That’s all it takes for Spencer to almost erupt into a nervous rant right then and there. He pulls Penelope to an empty area, sighing frustratedly. 

“Look, I’m just a little nervous. I- I was thinking about telling Emily and JJ what you know... that I’m trans,” Spencer mumbles. He honestly needs to say it out loud a few times to get the courage to tell them, afraid he’ll end up backing out. “I want to tell them. They’re my friends, I trust them. I don’t know why it seem like such a hard thing to do! I’m actually feeling kind of nauseous just thinking about it and I really don’t want to freak out. Tonight is our night off and I don’t want to ruin it for you guys, but I’m afraid I’ll end up not telling them. Are you ever afraid to tell someone something even though you know you can trust them? Because that’s exactly how I feel right now!”

Penelope listens to his voice become higher and breathier as he vents, not interrupting until he’s finished. She just rubs his shoulder, sighing sympathetically. She wants him to feel okay about telling them, and while she doesn’t understand exactly what he’s going through, it’s evident that it’s causing him some problems. Once he finishes, she takes his hand and squeezes it carefully. 

“Okay, take a breath for me, honey. I know you don’t want this to turn into a panic attack. You’re right, Emily and JJ are our friends. I know you’re nervous, but you can trust them. I’m proud of you for wanting to do this tonight,” Penelope smiles gently. “They love you, and they’ll keep loving you no matter what.”

“Are you sure?” Spencer asks weakly. “I know you’re right... it’s just hard to believe you. I don’t want them to be mad for not saying something sooner.”

“Spencer, look at me. They won’t be mad about that. It’s your business, and you choose when you tell them. We can wait a little longer. I think after we’re done here they wanted to get dinner. You think you’ll be alright with that?” She asks, knowing he can have a nervous stomach. 

He nods a tiny bit, absentmindedly squeezing her hand. “Yeah... I’ll tell them then. I will,” Spencer decides. “Thank you... thank you for everything.”

Feeling like a proud mother, Penelope ruffles his hair, leading him back to the middle of the store. “Of course, my dear. And no matter what, you know I’m here for you.”

Spencer smiles genuinely at that, truly knowing that she’ll always have his back. He sticks with her as she shops for Henry, nodding his head in approval every time he’s shown a toy or piece of clothing. He stays mostly quiet, unable to get his mind to stop completely. Still, he tries to have fun, following Garcia around. He can’t help but feel nervous when it’s time to meet the others again, biting his lip a little. The two of them pay and leave, meeting JJ and Emily outside. 

“Hey... that’s a lot of bags,” JJ muses, raising an eyebrow. 

Penelope nods slowly, looking down at all of her shopping. “I suppose you’re right. But it’s my money, we agreed on this!”

JJ chuckles, wrapping her arm around Spencer. “You okay? You zoned out a bit.”

That catches him off guard, and he takes longer than usual to answer. Luckily, before he even can say anything, JJ speaks up again. 

“Everyone’s probably hungry. Let’s head over for dinner and drinks,” she suggests, smiling brightly. 

Spencer nods along, walking with her. Emily keeps an eye on him, noticing how the younger man has been rather quiet. It’s unlike him, and while JJ hasn’t mentioned much, Emily sees it. She doesn’t bring it up though, deciding to talk to him later. The four of them walk to the restaurant they’re going to, luckily the place not being very crowded. They have off tomorrow, so tonight the group can actually let loose a little. During the week, they always have to be prepared to come into work, but the weekends are usually safe. Even so, it’s not like anyone- specifically Morgan and Rossi- hasn’t come to work hungover before. They’re seated at a table soon, Spencer between Emily and JJ. He wishes he was near Penelope, but only because his heart is just racing. They order drinks to start, and he quietly taps on the table with his fingertips. Emily watches him, leaning a little closer. 

“You alright?” She asks quietly, not wanting to draw attention to him. “You can tell me if something’s bothering you.”

Spencer bites his lip, another sign that something is on his mind. “I... I actually did want to talk to you about something. JJ too.”

JJ turns to him when she hears her name, nodding. “What’s up, Spence?”

He glances at Penelope once before launching into it, afraid he’ll back out if it doesn’t say it now. “I’ve been wanting to say this for awhile, and I figured tonight would be good but I didn’t want to wait until later because we’d all be drunk and I wanted you guys to really listen. Penelope already knows, and please don’t be upset with me for not telling you sooner. I- I’m a transgender male. I was born female and I transitioned a few years before I joined the BAU. I am now male. Please don’t look at me any differently... I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just wasn’t ready. But now you know and I really hope you’re not mad...” Spencer falls off a little at the end, his rambling becoming more of a mumble. 

It’s quiet for a moment after that, and Spencer feels like he could throw up even though they haven’t eaten yet. It’s when Emily grips his hand and JJ wraps herself around him that he feels like he could cry, however from happiness rather than being upset. 

“Spence, we love you so much. We would never be upset with you over this. Thank you for telling us,” JJ murmurs into his shoulder, rubbing his back with her hand. 

“Absolutely,” Emily nods, squeezing his hand and using her other one to rub over the back of his neck. “I’m glad you trust us enough to say something. Of course we won’t see you any differently. Is that why you seemed on edge tonight?”

Spencer nods, sniffling softly. “Yeah... I was just nervous. Thank you guys for being so amazing.”

Penelope watches them, her heart swelling. She’s so proud of Spencer, and the others are too. They just stay hugging him for a moment, eventually pulling back. Their drinks come not a moment later, and Spencer gladly pulls his closer. 

“Well... now that it’s out, let’s get drunk,” he decides. 

The girls laugh, quickly agreeing with his statement. Spencer is much more at ease now, falling into a comfortable pace in the conversation. The four of them drink, and eat, and laugh, enjoying their night together. It feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and now he can truly relax. It’s a couple of hours later when they call it quits, everyone just a bit tipsy and a tad too full. Spencer and Derek’s place is close, so he opts to walk home. He ensures that the girls are all safe, promising to all call each other when they arrive back home. Spencer climbs the stairs and lets himself into the apartment, quiet in case Derek is asleep. He shrugs his jacket off, quickly sending a text that he made it back safely. Peeking into the bedroom, he can tell that Derek is awake by how he’s laying on his back- he’s usually a side sleeper. Spencer smiles softly, quietly peeling his clothes off and slipping into a pair of pajama pants. Gently, he lays himself on top of Derek so they’re chest to chest, nuzzling into his neck without a word. 

“Drunk?” Derek asks softly, kissing the top of his head. 

“Mm, just a little,” Spencer hums. “I want to talk to you.”

“Yeah? We can talk, baby,” Derek murmurs. “Everything okay?”

Spencer nods, not wanting him to be worried. “I told Emily and JJ tonight. I came out to them. They were happy I told them.”

Derek smiles, rubbing his back. “That’s great, sweetheart. I’m really proud of you. You know we all love you so much, no matter what.”

Spencer sighs happily, nodding against his chest. “I feel so much better. It’s not that I was lying, I just didn’t like keeping it from them.”

“That’s understandable. I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes, but I’ll always try to understand,” Derek tells him. 

That’s why this works. None of them truly understand what it’s like for Spencer, but they all try. And that’s the best he can ask for. It puts him at ease to know he has such amazing friends, and having a boyfriend like Derek is a major plus. 

“Thank you. I love you,” Spencer yawns, on the verge of sleep. 

“I love you too, pretty boy,” Derek chuckles. “Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Spencer nods softly, dozing off soon after that. He really doesn’t have to worry anymore. He feels good. Spencer loves his friends, and they love him, no matter what. As long as that stays true, he’ll be just fine.


End file.
